Here comes the Asylum

It has not been a bad few days I am happy to say. My vertigo is moderate and I am able to potter about pretty well as long as I avoid turning too quickly, then a sudden jerk of the environment will occur but all in all not bad.

Call me insane but I have been missing my daily Insanity workout that I completed a few weeks back so I have decided to jump head first into the next Insanity workout volume called Insanity the ASYLUM. It is more sports training and focuses on motor coordination and balance aswell as strength and cardio. An agility ladder comes with the dvd set and you use this to focus and improve speed,agility, Motor coordination and balance.

Now I can honestly say that this workout series looks hardcore. I am hoping this will be beneficial to my vestibular system. I am at a place now where I can workout and I will continue what I like to call my extreme form of vestibular rehabilitation. It is 30 days long and I swear I will complete it.

Now I certainly DO NOT recommend that anyone with vestibular dysfunction go and perform such extreme workouts. I myself could not have done any such thing for the first 5 years of my disorientated hell but due to time or medication or both I don't know, I can work through my vertigo most days. Sure I pay for it and it is really hard performing the moves as I still cannot move as quickly as I would like but I am at a place vertigo intensity wise that I can endure the vertigo.

I think I have said it before but the reason I am doing this is because I have completed the standard VRT many times over through the years to no avail and I am simply fed up living like this. I swear I will fix my wonky vision and spinning brain and as you can see I am willing to try anything at this point.

I actually filmed myself working out one day and when I played it back I saw just how normal and healthy I look to everybody else. I mean no wonder people look at us with confused disbelief. The man in the video looked fit and able with not a problem in the world. I just wish that this was the reality. Unfortunately the reality is that the guy in the video has been seriously depressed because of having to endure a never ending level of disorientation that has simply robbed him of living life for 6.5 years. The guy in the video is doing all he can and suffering the consequences of these workouts to simply get better and feel normal again.

Keep pushing on.

Swimmyhead

What is your worst symptom?

These symptoms are forever with me. They are less intense some of the time these days but at my worst I have a combination of symptoms that can be overwhelming:

• The sensation of falling even when standing still or sudden sensations of falling through the back of a chair when sitting down.
• Huge sensitivity to my body motion and motion of others/objects. Forget about tracking moving vehicles or people. People moving their hands during conversation can be disorientating and hard to track.
• Vision is fuzzy and feels slow and sluggish as if capturing the world frame by frame if that makes sense.
• The sensation of the floor moving and lifting up and down with every step and shift of weight.
• Can become extremely spaced out/ distant and uncomfortable when holding conversation with someone which in turn increases all the other symptoms. I have had to leave get togethers early because of this.
• Darkness or even just dim environments cause a sense of not being able to feel where I am in space. That sounds weird I know but it is true. Spatial awareness goes out of the window and I feel like I am floating and trying my best to balance.
• My speech and short term memory have been effected. I stutter more/mumble find it harder to get out what I want to say. It can be embarrassing. It's normal for people to forget what they are talking about from time to time but since my vestibular upset this happens to me several times a day mid conversation especially on bad days/weeks.
• The environment bobs back and forth up and down and jerks left and right. This is daily be it good or bad day.
• Heaviness or pressured feeling in head. This can be awful. I would have to say this is one of my most relentless symptoms.
• Loud sounds can disorientate me when my symptoms are full on. The sound of plates clanging in the kitchen when being cleaned can be almost to much.
• My peripheral vision can cause me to see objects that are stationary being bounced around or appear is if they are floating. A few examples would be the sofa in the lounge appears to be hovering. When walking past parked cars they appear to be floating/bobbing. Sometimes I swear I see something move suddenly in the corner of my eye but nothing there.
• Shops/supermarkets cause all of my symptoms to go into overdrive. They are hell on earth.
• The only symptom that has truly improved for me is that initial detached from the world feeling that took hold of me. It took about 3 years for this horrible sensation to actually decrease in intensity but still can flare up from time to time. This can be very uncomfortable and disconcerting. I hated it.
• When sitting or standing or even lying down the simplest of movements of my leg or a small shift in position can cause a sudden feeling of falling through the chair or bed or through a wall I may be leaning against at the time. This sudden dropping sensation in my head still gets my heart pumping to this day. This is not so frequent these days but still occurs every so often.

And the list goes on and on. Everything I have listed I have had to endure 24/7 since the 25th may 2007. Granted I have had 14 months where symptoms are of a less intensity some of the time but they are forever present even on my so called good days. As you can imagine my good days are not all that great compared to the person next to me but what can I do. Ill keep searching.

Swimmyhead

Insanity Complete

Well guys I did it, I completed the Insanity Workout challenge. Today is day 63 of the insanity calendar and is the last day. Working out 6 days a week for nine weeks has been very hard work and has taken it's toll on the old knees but it was so worth it. The sense of accomplishment is amazing.

This past year or so I have become more active thanks to my vestibular migraine medication, I spent the previous five years in hell not moving much  because of the intensity of the dizziness I was living daily with. I still live with an uncomfortable level of dizziness all day everyday and it still worsens some days or weeks for no reason but I have improved some of the time and so this past year has been about getting fitter and doing more in the hope I will improve my vestibular problem. I had been doing mild cardio workouts 3 times a week along with my Migraine diet and I managed to lose nearly 3 stone and get a bit fitter. I was hoping that in time the mild cardio workouts would improve my dizziness and vertigo, it did not and so I decided to go all out and really blast my mind and body and so insanity began.

Before I started Insanity I was not sure I could do it, I know I wanted to but I wasn't sure my dizziness and vertigo would allow me to exercise so extremely. I mean fit healthy people have a tough time taking the insanity challenge never mind Mr bloody vertigo here.

I won't lie, everyday has been tough. Waking up every morning feeling out of it being pushed and pulled in all directions having to psyche myself up to press play and workout. I am proud to say that is what I did regardless of how bad I felt. There have been days were I have felt completely exhausted which certainly ramped up all the vertigo and vision problems. I wondered at times if I was hurting myself rather than helping myself. Some of the exercise movements were damn hard and had me falling over, usually the balance exercises and turning exercises but I got straight back up and continued. After each workout I was in no state to talk or walk. The exercise massively increased my vertigo and balance issues and I had a job walking in a straight line to my sofa to sit down and recuperate after each workout.

I did this challenge to prove to myself that this damn vestibular issue cannot and will not hold me back anymore. I did it in the hope that all of the extreme exercise movements would kick start my brain in to gear and improve my vestibular condition. I thought it would be an extreme form of vestibular rehabilitation (I guess it is). Doctors have always said to keep moving, well I can honestly say I have never moved so much in all my life. After every workout I felt like I had stomped and defeated the vertigo and I felt very proud.

I can honestly say I have enjoyed the journey as difficult as it has been. I now have a six pack and a body that looks 15 years younger. Insanity pushed me physically and mentally to my limits everyday. Much more than this is that I now know I can dig deeper and can fight my vestibular dysfunction even if its for only 45-60min a day. For that hour I am in charge NOT the vertigo. The vertigo has been in total control of my life for 6.5 years, I won't have it anymore.

The dizziness and vertigo is still ever present,  Insanity did not get rid of my problem but it has given me confidence and health in other areas. I have often joked with friends and family that I am the healthiest looking ill person ever, this is certainly true now. We all  know this is an invisible condition and that we all look fine to other people. They have no idea what we go through living with vestibular dysfunction. My family and friends have seen me jumping up and down to Insanity and I know how ridiculous it must look to them, me complaining of unrelenting vertigo and ill well being yet completing the hardest workout put on DVD. If only they knew what it takes to push myself this hard, how truly difficult it is for me to function nevermind workout living with chronic vertigo. The thing is I KNOW and that is what counts and  I am very very proud of myself.

Swimmyhead