Every second of every minute of every waking hour

Well my balance and vision issues have heightened yet again. I am having major issues trying to watch television, my ability to track movement is way off. I am a boxing fan and tuned into last nights events only to be disorientated and sickly at the sight of the fast movement on screen. I spent the evening as if in another world. Walking around the house from room to room was a full scale assault on the senses. Simply standing still was difficult and uncomfortable. The swimming inside my head and the illusion of movement too much. When it is like this I have to psyche myself up just to walk across the landing to the bathroom. I dare not look down as the distance of me and the floor seem off, the floor may bend or arc. The whole thing is very disorientating.

Feeling like this always alarms me as it reminds me of the first 4 - 5 years that I was constantly functioning at such a low level. Having to function like this is no way of life. I read somewhere the other day ( I will try to find the article and put up a link for you guys) that the low quality of life that vestibular dysfunction causes is comparable to that of an MS sufferer.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know why I am stuck this way. I have fought this thing head on over the years without success. In a couple of months it will have been a constant seven years plagued by vertigo. Every second of every minute of every waking hour. How is this possible? It sounds absolutely ridiculous I know. Most people get better or at least have a break here and there, not me.

I don't understand what went wrong. One day I was fine then I went to sleep and BOOM my life changed. It has been a test of character and patience for sure. It has been embarrassing having to explain the way I feel to family and friends and doctors over the years. Honestly I have felt judged and felt like a liar when trying to explain the way I feel daily. It is even worse seven years on as now people just expect me to have gotten used to it or that I must at least be better than I was. It isn't the case. I feel as bad today typing this as I felt the very first year.

I am hoping that one day I will go to sleep and BOOM ,wake up absolutely normal.

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