Update

Hi guys

Today I completed the Insanity Asylum workout regime. It was really, really tough for sure but I did it and I am proud of myself. It was a 30 day workout regime but I completed it in 35 days due to the fact that I woke up last week looking like the elephant man and in enormous pain. I had developed an abscess on my gum. It has to be one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. Fortunately I saw the dentist and was given some antibiotics and was told I have to have a wisdom tooth pulled (oh the joy).

So after nearly four months of Insanity workouts I have to say I feel physically great but my head still is the dizzy vertigo ridden thing it was before I began all this. As I have said before, the medication I have been taking this past year has helped reduce the daily symptoms intensity but has not completely relieved me of the vertigo with some days, evenings and weeks still pretty vile. All this exercise has not cured me but I certainly gave it my best shot. I will relax now over Christmas and I hope that next year I will find a solution and become vertigo/dizzy free.

Merry christmas

Swimmyhead

Hi Guys

I have taken a turn for the worse this weekend, all of my symptoms are back in full force once again making moving my head or tracking movement pretty much unbearable. it is so frustrating. Another year passes and I am still stuck dealing with these symptoms every minute of everyday. I was 27 when the vertigo hit me and in 1 month I will be 34. Life is passing me by and I getting really worried for my future.

This past year I have been having major issues in trying to arrange a referral to the specialist that I saw way back in 2012. He was brilliant and gave me hope. The medications I am currently taking are because of him and they have been the only thing that have helped me somewhat. Unfortunately due to referral issues I have not been able to push on with my treatment, I have been left in limbo. Anyway I won't go into it all here but my aim is to see him again in the new year and start the proposed treatment plan that I very much need. This Christmas will be my 7th Christmas plagued still by vertigo. Next year has to be different.

Part of the reason I have been working out is because I have felt that I needed to be pro active whilst waiting for my referral to be sorted.

I am still working out with just 10 workouts left of Insanity the Asylum. These workouts are the hardest workouts ever. My coordination and balance can go crazy whilst trying to complete the exercises. It's damn hard fighting the visual vertigo and the accompanying sensations but I push through it sill determined to beat the vertigo out of me. I am amazed that I have been able to perform and continue such a demanding fitness regime given the circumstances. These workouts are designed to exhaust already fit guys and girls. How I am doing it I don't know. Physically I am in great shape, my body visually looks and feels healthy. Toned and lean with a six pack to boot. Yet my head still doesn't work. How can this be?

I still have major trouble balance wise in the dark, I still have to be aware of turning to quickly or bending over. My head always feels like it is pressured and swimming and my vision is still out of sync and bouncy. Simple tasks such as walking down the drive or crossing the road are still difficult because of the vertigo sensations. Yet I am doing insanity workouts everyday. How can this be? I am a walking contradiction.

Last night I went for a walk. I began to cross the road (in the dark). As I stepped off the pavement into the road a car came flying towards me from my right and another appeared on my left. If you suffer from vertigo you will know just how frightening and what a sudden attack on the senses this truly is. The movement of the cars, the dark environment, the stepping off of the curb and the inability to look both ways quickly enough all combine to cause some horrible vertigo sensations. The road suddenly feels like it slides(drops) beneath me, what feels like G force inside my head pushes and pulls in all direction, my vision becomes blurred and out of sync whilst any sense I have of myself in space completely dissolves. Only fellow sufferers will understand what I have just said. I expect others will think I am crazy.

Seriously, simply crossing the road has become a dangerous task. I should not have to live like this at my age or any age for that matter.

Here is an informative article about vertigo and the different causes and treatments.

Keep going people

Swimmyhead

Here comes the Asylum

It has not been a bad few days I am happy to say. My vertigo is moderate and I am able to potter about pretty well as long as I avoid turning too quickly, then a sudden jerk of the environment will occur but all in all not bad.

Call me insane but I have been missing my daily Insanity workout that I completed a few weeks back so I have decided to jump head first into the next Insanity workout volume called Insanity the ASYLUM. It is more sports training and focuses on motor coordination and balance aswell as strength and cardio. An agility ladder comes with the dvd set and you use this to focus and improve speed,agility, Motor coordination and balance.

Now I can honestly say that this workout series looks hardcore. I am hoping this will be beneficial to my vestibular system. I am at a place now where I can workout and I will continue what I like to call my extreme form of vestibular rehabilitation. It is 30 days long and I swear I will complete it.

Now I certainly DO NOT recommend that anyone with vestibular dysfunction go and perform such extreme workouts. I myself could not have done any such thing for the first 5 years of my disorientated hell but due to time or medication or both I don't know, I can work through my vertigo most days. Sure I pay for it and it is really hard performing the moves as I still cannot move as quickly as I would like but I am at a place vertigo intensity wise that I can endure the vertigo.

I think I have said it before but the reason I am doing this is because I have completed the standard VRT many times over through the years to no avail and I am simply fed up living like this. I swear I will fix my wonky vision and spinning brain and as you can see I am willing to try anything at this point.

I actually filmed myself working out one day and when I played it back I saw just how normal and healthy I look to everybody else. I mean no wonder people look at us with confused disbelief. The man in the video looked fit and able with not a problem in the world. I just wish that this was the reality. Unfortunately the reality is that the guy in the video has been seriously depressed because of having to endure a never ending level of disorientation that has simply robbed him of living life for 6.5 years. The guy in the video is doing all he can and suffering the consequences of these workouts to simply get better and feel normal again.

Keep pushing on.

Swimmyhead

What is your worst symptom?

These symptoms are forever with me. They are less intense some of the time these days but at my worst I have a combination of symptoms that can be overwhelming:

• The sensation of falling even when standing still or sudden sensations of falling through the back of a chair when sitting down.
• Huge sensitivity to my body motion and motion of others/objects. Forget about tracking moving vehicles or people. People moving their hands during conversation can be disorientating and hard to track.
• Vision is fuzzy and feels slow and sluggish as if capturing the world frame by frame if that makes sense.
• The sensation of the floor moving and lifting up and down with every step and shift of weight.
• Can become extremely spaced out/ distant and uncomfortable when holding conversation with someone which in turn increases all the other symptoms. I have had to leave get togethers early because of this.
• Darkness or even just dim environments cause a sense of not being able to feel where I am in space. That sounds weird I know but it is true. Spatial awareness goes out of the window and I feel like I am floating and trying my best to balance.
• My speech and short term memory have been effected. I stutter more/mumble find it harder to get out what I want to say. It can be embarrassing. It's normal for people to forget what they are talking about from time to time but since my vestibular upset this happens to me several times a day mid conversation especially on bad days/weeks.
• The environment bobs back and forth up and down and jerks left and right. This is daily be it good or bad day.
• Heaviness or pressured feeling in head. This can be awful. I would have to say this is one of my most relentless symptoms.
• Loud sounds can disorientate me when my symptoms are full on. The sound of plates clanging in the kitchen when being cleaned can be almost to much.
• My peripheral vision can cause me to see objects that are stationary being bounced around or appear is if they are floating. A few examples would be the sofa in the lounge appears to be hovering. When walking past parked cars they appear to be floating/bobbing. Sometimes I swear I see something move suddenly in the corner of my eye but nothing there.
• Shops/supermarkets cause all of my symptoms to go into overdrive. They are hell on earth.
• The only symptom that has truly improved for me is that initial detached from the world feeling that took hold of me. It took about 3 years for this horrible sensation to actually decrease in intensity but still can flare up from time to time. This can be very uncomfortable and disconcerting. I hated it.
• When sitting or standing or even lying down the simplest of movements of my leg or a small shift in position can cause a sudden feeling of falling through the chair or bed or through a wall I may be leaning against at the time. This sudden dropping sensation in my head still gets my heart pumping to this day. This is not so frequent these days but still occurs every so often.

And the list goes on and on. Everything I have listed I have had to endure 24/7 since the 25th may 2007. Granted I have had 14 months where symptoms are of a less intensity some of the time but they are forever present even on my so called good days. As you can imagine my good days are not all that great compared to the person next to me but what can I do. Ill keep searching.

Swimmyhead

Insanity Complete

Well guys I did it, I completed the Insanity Workout challenge. Today is day 63 of the insanity calendar and is the last day. Working out 6 days a week for nine weeks has been very hard work and has taken it's toll on the old knees but it was so worth it. The sense of accomplishment is amazing.

This past year or so I have become more active thanks to my vestibular migraine medication, I spent the previous five years in hell not moving much  because of the intensity of the dizziness I was living daily with. I still live with an uncomfortable level of dizziness all day everyday and it still worsens some days or weeks for no reason but I have improved some of the time and so this past year has been about getting fitter and doing more in the hope I will improve my vestibular problem. I had been doing mild cardio workouts 3 times a week along with my Migraine diet and I managed to lose nearly 3 stone and get a bit fitter. I was hoping that in time the mild cardio workouts would improve my dizziness and vertigo, it did not and so I decided to go all out and really blast my mind and body and so insanity began.

Before I started Insanity I was not sure I could do it, I know I wanted to but I wasn't sure my dizziness and vertigo would allow me to exercise so extremely. I mean fit healthy people have a tough time taking the insanity challenge never mind Mr bloody vertigo here.

I won't lie, everyday has been tough. Waking up every morning feeling out of it being pushed and pulled in all directions having to psyche myself up to press play and workout. I am proud to say that is what I did regardless of how bad I felt. There have been days were I have felt completely exhausted which certainly ramped up all the vertigo and vision problems. I wondered at times if I was hurting myself rather than helping myself. Some of the exercise movements were damn hard and had me falling over, usually the balance exercises and turning exercises but I got straight back up and continued. After each workout I was in no state to talk or walk. The exercise massively increased my vertigo and balance issues and I had a job walking in a straight line to my sofa to sit down and recuperate after each workout.

I did this challenge to prove to myself that this damn vestibular issue cannot and will not hold me back anymore. I did it in the hope that all of the extreme exercise movements would kick start my brain in to gear and improve my vestibular condition. I thought it would be an extreme form of vestibular rehabilitation (I guess it is). Doctors have always said to keep moving, well I can honestly say I have never moved so much in all my life. After every workout I felt like I had stomped and defeated the vertigo and I felt very proud.

I can honestly say I have enjoyed the journey as difficult as it has been. I now have a six pack and a body that looks 15 years younger. Insanity pushed me physically and mentally to my limits everyday. Much more than this is that I now know I can dig deeper and can fight my vestibular dysfunction even if its for only 45-60min a day. For that hour I am in charge NOT the vertigo. The vertigo has been in total control of my life for 6.5 years, I won't have it anymore.

The dizziness and vertigo is still ever present,  Insanity did not get rid of my problem but it has given me confidence and health in other areas. I have often joked with friends and family that I am the healthiest looking ill person ever, this is certainly true now. We all  know this is an invisible condition and that we all look fine to other people. They have no idea what we go through living with vestibular dysfunction. My family and friends have seen me jumping up and down to Insanity and I know how ridiculous it must look to them, me complaining of unrelenting vertigo and ill well being yet completing the hardest workout put on DVD. If only they knew what it takes to push myself this hard, how truly difficult it is for me to function nevermind workout living with chronic vertigo. The thing is I KNOW and that is what counts and  I am very very proud of myself.

Swimmyhead

Yep, this is me. I have told so many friends to spin around a stick fast and then try and walk forward. Many do not believe that living with a vestibular condition could feel that bad. Hell, if only they knew. Living with a vestibular disorder means you never get away from that dizzy, out of it feeling , instead you are stuck, fighting hard to maintain posture every single minute of every single day. Every step feels so wrong it is hard to describe. Saying I feel  out of it doesn't quite do it justice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDIpKthRteg

I must be Insane

An inspiring story  https://vestibular.org/civicrm/pcp/info?reset=1&id=19 of a young woman competing in a triathlon despite living with a chronic vestibular disorder.

The link above prompted me to write a new post and give you an update. If you have read any of my previous posts you will know that I try to maintain a strict exercise regime in the hope that it will someday help my balance/vestibular issues. Now I am certainly not training for something as challenging as a triathlon like the brave young woman in the story above but I have took on a small challenge of my own recently.

That challenge being the infamous INSANITY workout. If you have not heard of the Insanity workout, I will quickly explain. The Insanity workout is a 60 day total body conditioning programme developed by fitness instructor/dancer Shaun T and is considered to be the hardest workout ever to be put on dvd. It is high intensity interval training and you do it 45min- 60min six days a week for 60 days.

Now I know what you are thinking, you are thinking maybe my vestibular issue is not as bad as I have made out or that I am truly INSANE attempting such a feat whilst living with a chronic vestibular disorder. after all exercise generally requires a fully functioning vestibular system. the truth is i must be a little insane.

My condition has impacted my life profoundly, at times I have wondered how I have kept on going. Waking up day after day having to constantly think about putting one foot in front of the other, always aware about how I move my body and head so as to try and control the dizziness. It has robbed me of my life and after having to deal with it for so long and watch everything crumble around me I am battling it head on and I mean head on. I have done everything I can to get better but cannot shake it. Therefore I am now pushing my body to the absolute limit to see if I can improve my circumstances. INSANE I might just be.

The truth is I wake up every morning feeling like crap. Head swaying, vision bouncing so I may as well workout with my head swaying and vision bouncing at least my body gets to move instead of sitting or lying down like I spent most of these past years. The insanity workout as you can imagine is a real struggle not least for a person afflicted with the horror of vestibular dysfunction. Jumping and moving quickly is a true assault on the senses for me. When I jump or jog on the spot the sensation I feel is not one of  a healthy person. When I jump or jog the spot the floor feels like it is lifting up and down or being pulled from underneath me. When I jump or jog or bend over the world around me shifts left to right in my fuzzy slow motion like vision that comes in and out of focus all the while my head is swimming and swaying inside. Hell all these symptoms and sensations continue to occur when I am standing completely still. working out is an extremely difficult experience for me and I do wonder why on earth I am putting myself through such an insane challenge.

There are many reasons why I am doing this such as:

• To hopefully retrain my vestibular system (countless attempts at standard vestibular rehabilitation and mild exercise and medication didn't do it maybe Insanity will)
• It is a goal ( I haven't had a goal in a long time)
• It makes me feel like I am trying my best and exhausting every route to get better
• It gives me an enormous sense of pride after every workout 
• Completing it everyday is like a big F*** you to my vestibular dysfunction
• I enjoy the challenge
• It has gotten the rest of me in great condition (Unfortunately not my head)
• I am INSANE

It is 45 min to an hour a day and I certainly pay for my efforts. I usually have to just lie down or sit for the remainder of each day as it takes so much out of me and my vertigo can become much more sensitive. It has not cured me of my vertigo (yet) but it has given me a great sense of pride knowing I can do this given my circumstances. I WILL complete the 60 days of Insanity, hell I only have 14 days to go.

I should say that I could not have attempted such a workout (any kind of workout for that matter) until last year when I was given medication that has helped me somewhat. I DO NOT advise any fellow sufferer to attempt such a workout. No doctor has advised me to do this, I have taken it upon myself to complete the challenge.

Swimmyhead